tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
