the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
