grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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