Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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