I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize