I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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