I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
