McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
