New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
