you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
