he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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