well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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