i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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