Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
