New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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