It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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