Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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