my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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