I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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