hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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