she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
