omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
