Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
