I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's shark week go big or go home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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