I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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