where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Porn is love you can see.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
