im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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