Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
