Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
