if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
