no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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