Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize