oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
