Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize