wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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