You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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