Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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