Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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