Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
