if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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