i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
