FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found puke in my bra..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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