I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
