Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
