I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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