i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
