If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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