got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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