oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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