just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
