Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
