I wish you could order shots online.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
