He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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