so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
high people should be assigned attendants
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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