I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
