His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
