is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
