i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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