If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
