We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize