Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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