hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
