Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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