i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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